GamesCom Day One Roundup

GamesCom Day One Roundup

Brendan’s rounding things up

Brendan Caldwell takes a look at today’s GamesCom related announcements and sums up exactly how he feels about them.

Microsoft

I’m not even in Cologne and I’m already bored of the place. But that’s because Microsoft’s live stream of their press conference didn’t kick off at the scheduled time. Maybe the models got into a row about their Kinect t-shirts being too small for them. Maybe the organisers told them it was t-shirt or no t-shirt. Maybe they needed time to put motion capture devices inside the t-shirts, to save money hiring jiggle-physics engineers in their latest release of Booth Babe Sim. Maybe. Unfortunately it will all remain speculation because I COULDN’T SEE ANYTHING.

They announce the Kinect release date (it’s November 10) and I nod politely to my computer screen. Age of Empires Online pricks my eyes up though. Age of Kings was a spiffing game, wasn’t it? You could play that bad boy on a 90 Mhz processor. That’s what I liked about the monarchy game. It was surprisingly democratic. Microsoft Flight on the other hand doesn’t whet my appetite. I’m more into boats.

The Halo: Reach trailer concludes Microsoft’s tactic of releasing all the press material and making their announcements before the actual floor event. I suppose they thought this way the press could get their job done and then have a bit of fun playing games. Clearly keen this morning, weren’t you Microsoft? The Reach trailer is purdy. And there’s a British fellow called George in it. He has a machine gun. I hope he fights a dragon.

EA

Jens Uwe Intat, EA’s head of publishing in Europe, walks onto the stage. I can see him from my Live Stream. Yoo-hoo! Jens! He cannot hear me. I am sad. My lip, it quivers.

Jens Uwe Intat is so German. Nein, ist true. He may as well step out and start singing “Wilkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!” and twisting a little moustache around, introducing the Gamescom models as “ze Cabaret gerlz.” Heidi, Christina, Mausy, Helga, Bettie und Ingrid don’t show up though. Instead John Buchanen simpers on and introduces “the biggest life simulation ever built.” More Sims then. And Sims Medieval. After this there is some Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Kinectitude. I’m beginning to wish I’d tuned into a live video stream of the 1930s instead.

Ooo, but what is this? Steve Papoutsis Executive Producer at developer Visceral has made his appearance. In a refreshing lift he shows off another level of Dead Space 2. Isaac gets himself some jet-propulsion boots in zero G conditions and scurries off into the void to fix a solar array wotsit.  Hurrah! The eerily quiet vacuums that peppered the first game are still around evidently and the sound quality doesn’t seem to have lost any of its edge. And hark, what sound that be? He speaks! Isaac is shouting in panicked tones against a worrying female colleague (it’s not his wife, it cannae be, it cannae be). ”I’ll be there!” He is terrified. You can hear it in the sharp, tremulous strain of his vocal chords. A trademark set piece is yet to come and Isaac jets away dodging debris and generally being a lucky, lucky space-builder. The release date is January 28 for Europe. January sales.

Need for Speed Hot Pursuit gets a run-over. Showing off the Autolog feature that seems to goad players against each other, the emphasis is clearly on social competition online.

Then Greg Goodrich stomps onto the stage, sporting The Beard To End All Beards.
“Authenticity and respect for the soldier have always been the core tenets of the Medal of Honour franchise,” he says before showing another video of ex-Special Force fellas being mined for exciting stories. Some people might feel a bit squiffy about being able to play Taliban but then some people might feel a bit squiffy about pineapple on their pizza. At the end of the day, it is only harmful if you are allergic to exotic interlopers hanging out on the desert’s cheese. Wow, this metaphor got confused somewhere.

Ray Muzyka of Bioware ambles on next. He even got a genuine wee applause. Up until now the crowd has been subdued.

Star Wars: Old Republic – “Space combat takes you on missions inspired by some of the greatest moments… who hasn’t wanted to play as Han Solo as he blasts his way through an asteroid field.” Aye, I suppose I can’t fault you on that, Ray.

Then a kicker. Mass Effect 2 is finally coming to PS3 in January 2011 – “That’s friggin’ awesome.” All right if you say so, Ray. You couldn’t have done it a bit sooner though? Whoa, okay, sorry. Sheesh.

Dragon Age 2 gets its turn and Mike Laidlaw straddles the boardwalk – “We have revamped our art direction,” he says. “You will see a huge difference even in this stage of development.” The story spans an entire decade as it is recounted by two different characters. The release date (March 11, 2011) is given. The main character Hawke looks like a pretty cool fella. I’d go down the pub with him. I wouldn’t try to dodge a round. He’d probably rip your arms off. And I need my arms, I need them to carry my pints.

Continues…

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